Episode 44: Ada Lloyd On The Path Towards Achieving Clarity

TMS 44 | Achieving Clarity

 

Without achieving clarity within yourself, the path moving forward will be muddy and difficult. These may be hindered by lingering trauma, fear, and doubt. Michael Silvers talks about self-improvement with a coach, trainer, and speaker, Ada Lloyd. She explains how understanding your purpose and celebrating your strengths can give birth to meaningful personal development. She even reflects on the role of her spiritual journey when working with people, explaining her daily relationship with God. Ada also looks back on how she overcame a horrifying sexual abuse experience that made her realize the importance of harnessing your inner power, making every life choice and decision truly count. 

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Ada Lloyd On The Path Towards Achieving Clarity

I am excited to have our guest on, Ada Lloyd. She’s an amazing speaker. I’m going to tell you a little bit about her intro because it’s good to get to know the people that are going to be on. I’m going to ask her some questions, and we are going to talk back and forth. It’s part of being a community because, at The Mentor Studio, we are a community to serve the underserved. We are going to take a world tour in 2022. It was going to be 2021 but a little thing called COVID delayed us a little bit. It’s about helping your community and if you want more information about us, go to TheMentorStudio.com. We also are on Facebook. We have an open complimentary group if you would like to join us there and you can find more information on our site. If you need anything more, you can also do a text opt-in. If you are in the United States, you can text opt-in by texting TMS to 26786. If you need a direct link, go to The Mentor Studio page and we will be putting everything on there. 

It doesn't matter where you come from or what your history is. What determines your future is the choices you make today. Click To Tweet

Ada Lloyd is a life-changing catalyst for breaking the chains of your history. She is uniquely skilled at helping individuals, usually but not exclusively women, heal the wounds behind their protective masks. These ones generally originate in childhood and, when not healed, are the boulders inhibiting progress in achieving goals. She provides the tools as a speaker, author, facilitator and personal catalyst to obliterate obstacles by smashing them into smithereens. 

Using The 7 Pillars of a Happy & Successful Life, her clients create their unique definition of success, which is the foundation on which to build their futures as they turn their dreams into a reality. They overcome feeling being overwhelmed as they embrace the individual they always knew they could become. Whether speaking to an audience of 10, 100, 1,000 or more, there is a magical heart dark connection she brings to the stage. She is the creator of The Momentum Planner, the author of The 7 Pillars of a Happy & Successful Life and a featured contributor to ILLUMINATION writing about self-improvement. Without any further ado, Ada, how are you? 

I’m terrific and delighted to be here with you, Michael. 

It’s great to have you. You’ve got a large Facebook group that’s interactive. 

It’s Fearless Women Entrepreneurs: Connect, Empower & Make an Impact. We talk about we being the total if you will, of the five people we hang out with the most. Many women have dreams but they don’t have people in their lives that support those dreams. That’s what this group is about. It’s about supporting women’s dreams, encouraging them and giving them the tools to go for it. 

It’s always great to know we are part of a community and we are part of something more or something bigger than ourselves because there is that tendency of, I can do it myself or I’m all alone.” There are both sides to it. It’s so empowering to have that community and that community that you are driving. My hat’s off to you. What got you into this career? What brought you to where you are now? 

It’s all about my story and my history, Michael. As a child, I was sexually abused growing up. Athe time, nobody talked about it. It wasn’t on the public radar. There were no tools. I was fortunate that I figured out how to leave home at an early age. I’ve got myself on a college campus one month after my sixteenth birthday. A few years later, I had a life-altering epiphany that said, You are not responsible for your father’s choices but you are responsible for how you allow them to impact your life.” At that point, I jumped into the self-help arena and have never left, whether as a student or a contributor. I created my own path to hope and to healing and then had an obligation to help others that did not yet know that path was there. 

TMS 44 | Achieving Clarity
Achieving Clarity: If you want to maximize the power you have to impact somebody else, you have to be willing to share everything, even the heartaches, bumps, and detours.

 

I love that because it’s the fulfillment sometimes of ourselves but it’s the service and being there for others. That is the whole reason we are here. It’s the whole reason that we do what we do. To get to where you were and we used to talk about this all the time, there’s always the great book you read. These are the great book or the article or the book that keeps you moving forward. Nowadays, it’s different because we will say, especially to younger audiencesWhat’s a great podcast you are listening to? What’s the YouTube channel you are following?” What was a great book or catalyst that helped move you forward or something that you still read now? In the business world, we always hear Think and Grow Rich. In the business world, there are the things and standards you always hear but in the world, you play and live in, what is that book? Maybe you still read it now or reread it. What did you listen to? What keeps you going? 

It’s a variety of things. Part of it is spiritual scriptures. I came across a book many years ago that I had never heard of. A friend told me about it. It’s by Mamie McCullough, and it’s I Can, You Can Too! She was the daughter of white sharecroppers, which is the ultimate poverty in the South. It’s a great story. She winds up in college. She doesn’t believe she should be there but with the support of a few people, she manages to stay. She goes back to her roots and begins teaching. She got so tired of hearing kids say, I can’t.” 

She cut Is out of magazines and told them to bring a can to school. Some of them brought a Vienna sausage can and some of the smart-aleck guys brought a garbage can. It didn’t matter. She gave them an I and told them to tape the I on the can. Until they could show her an I can’t, they had an I can, and that’s all she wanted to hear. She changed the culture of a classroom. She changed the culture of a school. She went on to be a motivational speaker. I love that story because it’s about our capacity as human beings to change. It doesn’t matter where we come from and what our history is. That doesn’t determine our future. We do with the choices we make now. That’s where my heart is. 

I love that you also said about the spiritual side because we talk about everything. I have been self-evident about it. I’m in church every day. I do go to mass almost every day because I sit there and pray. I realize at times I can’t always do this myself. Reaching the higher connection, the power, whatever religion you are in, it didn’t connect for me until I was 48. It was later in my life that this became a big part of it. We are looking for a community. We are looking for those around us who can empower us. There are also these other sides that, whether you meditate or you pray or whatever that is, how is that in your life? How do you ground yourself? How do you stay grounded? How do you move through the days? You know those days. What is your routine for the day? What keeps you going? 

I start with a morning routine and as part of that, I created The Momentum Planner. I shared that with you several years ago. It starts with inspiration. There’s a quote at the beginning of every day. I have gathered over 3,000 of them over the years. I love them. What can I say? I had to choose 100 to put in the book. They come from all walks of life. I start with that and then I focus on gratitude. What am I grateful for now? I’m not a chronic insomniac, so it can’t be a good night’s sleep. It has to be more specific than that. There are an action plan of 1 to 3 specific things I’m going to do now. Those are core principles I teach to everyone. 

Make a commitment to yourself that you will do one thing every day at a minimum that will move you forward towards a goal. Click To Tweet

As a part of my personal morning routine, above and beyond that, I read scriptures every morning. I read a chapter. I pray every morning. When I talk about that epiphany that I had, to me, that was a personal revelation. That’s not a phrase that necessarily resonates with everybody but that is what it is for me. As I built The 7 Pillars of a Happy & Successful Life as a part of my end road on the healing of where I was at, the final piece in that was spiritual. It was understanding some things about my relationship with Christ and what he did for me. That was the final piece of my saying, We are not going to forget the lessons that we have learned but he not only died for my sins. He died for my pain. 

If I insist on holding on to anger, hurt, pain or anything negative, I’m effectively throwing His atonement back in his face and saying, It’s not enough.‘ I have to suffer.” The arrogance of that broke my heart and it changed me. Some people can relate to that story because of where they are at, and other people can’t. I use it when it feels appropriate. I don’t use it when I feel like it might create a barrier because somebody is not in that place. It’s about being respectful of the client but still acknowledging who I am and how I’ve got where I am. 

It is important because this comes up all the time in the personal development world. Whether you are religious, whether you believe in God or don’t believe in God or a higher power or spirituality, there was a time in the world that I entered later in my life. You didn’t talk about things like that from the stage. When I first went on and did these events, sometimes, I would say, I want to let everybody know it was almost late today because mass ran a little late.” It took the team a little bit to go, It’s okay he says that.” I would sometimes tell my story. I was Jewish and I was Christian, and now, I’m Catholic. I have walked a journey. There’s a journey in there. My family was Buddhist. I’ve got it all mixed in there somewhere. To me, there was never like, What do you mean you can’t say something like that from the stage?” I’m not saying I’m better or worse. For me, it’s part of my grounding. When my wife and I started this business, we didn’t have that as much and I feel more grounded now. That’s my story. 

That’s a part of your authenticity. We talk about authenticity and we have a lot of people that pound the podium if you will, with how authentic they are, which to me essentially says you are being fake. We are who we are. If we want to maximize the power that we have to impact somebody else, we have to be willing to share with them the heartache, bumps, detours, how we’ve got to where we are and why they should trust us. We are farther down the journey and we can hold up a light so that they know where they are headed. 

I will say it for myself from my own perspective. The honesty is there are days when I’m broken. There are parts of me that are broken. There are parts of me that are thriving. There are parts of me sometimes I want to help other people. Sometimes, I want it for myself. What you said about being authentic in that and not having to always be the rah-rah, Everything is great.” Is it? 

Stephen Covey said, We are not human beings having a spiritual experience. We are spiritual beings having a human experience,” if I remember the quote correctly. The fact is no matter how much somebody else might want to put you, me or somebody else on a pedestal, we are all human. I love what you said about your diverse religious background and being different because one of the things that I try to say is there’s not right and wrong. They are just simply different. What you need is what’s right for you. If what’s right for me is different, that’s perfectly fine. We are different people. We are unique individuals. It doesn’t need to be the same right for both of us. It doesn’t make one of us right and one of us wrong. It simply makes us different. The experiences we have had and the perspective that has developed are a result of those experiences and we can learn from our differences. 

It’s like in radio, you are never supposed to have paused and you are not supposed to mention podcasts but that’s a pause moment. People are back on the road. They said LA is back to 117%. I’m up in Seattle and we are up to almost 100% already. If I’m reading this, what are three things that I could do this week that could either help me move forward, reach a deeper place and work on things that are going on in my life? What would you recommend? 

The first thing I would recommend is to take the time to know what matters to you. There are seven pillars of a happy and successful life. That’s something I write about a lot. Personal, physical, emotional, spiritual, professional, financial and relationships. Know what matters in all of those areas. Create a foundation on which to build and tie your goals to that foundation. I have an ongoing fight with a lot of the goal-setting gurus because they will say, Set a goal. Do yada yada and you will get your goal.” My analogy is you are building your dream house and you found the perfect lot, perfect view and perfect neighborhood. The architect has drawn the perfect plans. 

In the groundbreaking, you are there. You are talking to the construction foreman and you say, I’m so thrilled with what’s happening but what I love most is my master bedroom that’s going to be on the second floor. It overlooks this incredible vista. Can you start with that?” He’s rolling on the floor laughing because without a first floor to the foundation, it’s not going to happen and yet, that’s so often how we set goals. Tie them to a foundation that is who you are and what matters the most to you, then commit yourself that you will do one thing every day at a minimum that will move you forward towards a goal. Every night, be accountable for how you kept that commitment. 

You are a mentor at The Mentor Studio and I love that you are on every call. You are committed to being there whatever it takes and whatever the time is because the goal is for all of us, it’s creating those habits but realizing too, it’s not about us. I also find on the days that I don’t feel like it, I find if I do something for somebody else, it wakes me up spiritually and it gets me going. Talk a little bit about that. 

TMS 44 | Achieving Clarity
Achieving Clarity: God’s way is better than yours. But sometimes, it’s easier to accept than others.

 

It’s magical. When we step outside of ourselves, we are no longer focused on everything wrong in our lives now. Going back several years ago, it was after I felt like not that the road was over but I had gotten to a place where my healing was complete at that point and all of those sorts of things. I went through a time where I have broken again. I was crying out to God saying, Why?” I had always known that part of the why was so I can help other people. I had known that for years. It was, why? The question was, Why weren’t you there? Why didn’t you stop this?” 

I had also known for some time at that point that he wasn’t going to bar my father from exercising his agency to make a lousy choice to protect me. We each have the right to make our choices and we will ultimately be accountable for them. I’m still saying why. My specific question was, Why weren’t you there?” In a soft, quiet voice, I heard, I was there. I kept you from getting pregnant.” Was the biggest fear and horror of all, at the time, was that I would wind up pregnant. 

My testimony is that we are broken. We have tools that we have learned. We have tools that other people, you and me that do what we can teach so that somebody can increase their quiver full of tools that they have to draw on. There’s an ultimate tool, which for me, is my relationship with God. He expects me to do my part. It’s not just saying, I can’t figure this out on the computer. Father, what do I do about this?” No. I need to do my part but when I have done that, He will do his part in his time and his way. My faith is to trust that he has a love for me that is beyond my understanding and his time and his way are better than mine. Some days, it’s easier to accept that than others. 

This is a bigger picture, even for another day, let alone the subject you talked about. The patient, being a nurse, Why am I dying? Why is my cancer not treatable?” They recovered from pancreatic cancer, which is posing only a 3% survival. All those questions that come up, Why was it me? Why not my sister or brother?” Whatever that is. It’s a conversation for another day when we have more time. We will definitely have you back. Maybe towards the holidays because that’s a hard time for people. 

I’m passionate about Mother’s Day and let me tell you why. I post about this and I have talked in churches about this. Mother’s Day is either the most joyful or the most heartbreaking day of the year. For those who have had that mother that the poets wrote about whose children have a wonderful relationship with them, it is a joyful day. For those who lost a mother to death, abandonment, abuse or whatever thing, those who have not been able to have children for whatever reason or whose children have strayed from the path of family togetherness, it is an incredibly painful day. I like to focus on mothering because we have all been mothered by people we don’t share biology with. We all have the opportunity to mother and even guys have the opportunity to mother when we make it a verb, for people that they don’t share biology with. I would like to celebrate mothering day. 

Let’s do that. I love it because I’m maternal. I have a maternal side. We are going to start that. I wanted to thank you for being here. First of all, if somebody wants to reach out to explore more about what you do or even your group, what’s the best way to contact you? 

Simply AdaLloyd.com or email me at [email protected]. 

Thank you. It has been great. You are such a great part of the show. For those of you reading this, we are looking for more mentors. You can be a member. We would love to have you but we are looking for more mentors at The Mentor Studio. We have brilliants like Ada, and they work, play and talk together. We are going to travel together. We are going to make a difference in the world and they are doing it on their own. Ada, thank you for being here. 

You have the right to make your choices. You will ultimately be accountable for them. Click To Tweet

Thank you for having me, Michael. It has been an absolute delight. 

You are welcome. It’s a delight of ours. If you want to know more, it’s simple. Go to TheMentorStudio.com. If you want to be part of our opt-in so we can touch you deeper and we will also send you to our different pieces of social media, now it’s not going to hit you 55 times. It’s a stream of four to get to the different networks, then we are done with you. If you are in the US, you can text TMS to 26786. We would love to connect with you and get to know who you are. That will give you my links for Facebook and LinkedIn. You can find me on LinkedIn and on Facebook. We would love to have you here. Ada, you have been brilliant. The Mentor Studio audience, you are amazing. Whether it’s morning, afternoon or evening, have a great day, everybody. You are worldwide. We love you all. We will talk to you soon. 

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About Ada Lloyd

TMS 44 | Achieving ClarityAda has a passion for personal growth and development and the capacity we have to change our lives through the choices we make.  As she struggled to find hope and healing from childhood sexual abuse and other trauma’s, she developed tools and resources to give her the power to heal and to reclaim a joyful and a productive life.  Her commitment is to share those tools with others so they too can move from beyond the status quo to joy, accomplishment and productivity.

She helps individuals discover who they truly are at their essential core.  She provides tools to quiet the voices of fear and inadequacy that may hold you back.  She will teach you to find clarity by crafting your unique definition of success and then how to use that definition to build momentum to turn your vision into your reality.  Ada’s background includes

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